When making the decision about who is going to be in the delivery room with you, it obviously depends on a lot of factors – the location, atmosphere, personalities, your partner, etc.
Here are some things to consider on the subject:
- Is it even possible for your mom to physically be in the delivery room with you? Does she live too far away?
- Consider your relationship with your mom, does your mom have a calming/energizing/draining/nauseating effect on you?
- Almost equally as important, how is your partner’s relationship with your mom? Would they feel encouraged, threatened, or stressed by her presence?
- If you ask your mom to be present, will that open the door to other family members? Would your father or mother-in-law expect to be there as well and how would you handle that?
- Think about who you are planning to call and WHEN. If you call your family members when you are in labor and ask them to come to the hospital, they may expect to be present for the birth itself.
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Rachel decided to have her family visit after her baby’s delivery
My husband was the only person present for the birth of our son.
There was never any expectation that my mother would be in the delivery room.
From a practical perspective, we were living about four hours apart at the time, so it would not have been the easiest thing to accomplish anyway. That said, we never even discussed the possibility.
1| I was worried about my mom seeing me naked…
All mother-daughter relationships are different. Some are strained, some are inseparable, I’d bet most are somewhere in between.
I consider my mom and I close in so many ways… but nudity is not one of those ways.
Call me a prude, but the idea of her seeing everything made me uncomfortable (Yeah, yeah, she’s my mom, she changed my diapers, she’s seen it all before, I know, but that was a long time ago).
And I imagine it would have made her uncomfortable too.
Admittedly, when it came time to push, any modesty was gone. Things flew by so quickly that I didn’t even remember to wear my adorable L&D socks!
2| It was assumed from the beginning she would visit after my baby was born
It was just a natural understanding that she would visit after and we were both comfortable and happy with this arrangement.
Luckily, we didn’t have an awkward conversation (or worse, a fight) over this since we were on the same page. I can easily see how problems could arise if she had really wanted to be there and I refused.
There really is no good answer to that, would I have put my foot down and caused hard feelings or just agreed to it despite my reservations? No one wants added stress in the delivery room though, so do what makes you comfortable.
Related Post: What Does Your Mother-In-Law Think About Your Parenting?
3| This was an amazingly intimate experience for my husband and me
My husband and I had been married for three years then, yet I had never before felt so much that the two of us were our own family as I did on that day.
I don’t know that having anyone else present would have diminished that, perhaps not.
My mom has been by my side for so many milestones and memories and the depths of our shared history can’t be matched by anyone, including my husband. So I am glad that he and I have this moment as part of “our” story together.
In the end, I had the support I needed during my delivery
My husband was exactly what I needed in the delivery room.
There was a scary point during pushing when my son’s heart rate was not coming back up like it should. There was a bit of commotion as the doctor was called and nurses rushed around. I was exhausted, confused, and terrified, but my stoic husband was calm and reassuring.
Perhaps he was a mess inside, but he didn’t show it and I needed that to keep myself from completely freaking out.
I’m not sure how this would have played out with my mom. We may have fed off of each other nervousness. If I had seen fear in my mom, I think I may have just fallen apart.
Jo asks, “Did you feel at
any point you needed
additional support?”
Yes and no, my husband was amazing!
But he obviously had never had a baby before so he didn’t know what to expect and what was happening.
My nurse was phenomenal! Between the two of them I felt like I had everything that I needed.
Jo had her mama with her during delivery!
Okay, yes, I admit it: I needed my mommy in the delivery room with me when I had my children. (See that happy pic of the two of us above!)
I know it’s not for everyone, but for me it felt right. I’m not here to convince you to definitely have your mom with you, just why this was the best decision for me.
And just maybe it will make it easier for you to make the decision too.
1| I recognized the birth of a baby is a very special moment
You might be thinking, “Well duh, of course having a child is special. It’s one of the most special days of your life!”.
And that’s true, but it’s also a HUGE day for the grandparents.
Yes, having my son meant that I’d upgraded officially to “mom” status, but it also meant that MY mother had upgraded to “grandma” status.
(a fact which I allowed her to proudly display by buying her this adorable Grandma t-shirt
That’s a really big deal.
I tried to look at it from my mom’s point of view:
She gave birth to me, raised me and taught me right from wrong. She’s been training me to be a decent human being from the start and teaching me to be a nurturing mom if that day should come.
My mom repeatedly tells me that she still thinks of me as a baby some days. And now we’ve come to the point where her baby is having a baby!
What an incredibly emotional time, and I was happy to have my mom present to experience it.
2| My mom provided much-needed, additional support during my labor and delivery
Let me tell you that it didn’t hurt to have another source of support while I was in labor.
My husband did a great job, don’t get me wrong.
He did whatever I told him to do: rub my shoulders, breathe with me, pour water on my back in the shower, etc. But he’s nervous too!
Then in comes my mom. She’s been through it before, which automatically provides at least some reassurance. She could encourage me from a perspective that my husband couldn’t – both as a woman and a mom.
Let’s face it, there’s no one like your mom.
At different times as your labor progresses, I find you need different types of support – sometimes you need the supportive partner and sometimes you need the experienced mom.
3| Never underestimate the importance of another head and set of hands present during delivery
Things can get crazy.
I remember with my first when they were moving me from the triage space to the delivery room, my husband just stood up and walked out as they wheeled me down the hall. My mom had the brains to look down at the floor of the triage area, notice a bag was sitting there, and say, “are these your clothes?”.
Honestly, forgetting my clothes in triage wouldn’t have been the end of the world – but it’s nice to have another set of eyes/ears when the nurses or doctor are talking to you.
Of course you’re trying to understand the best you are able, but remember you’re also uncomfortable and exhausted.
My mom remembered to ask all the logical questions, while my husband and I were talking like crazy people that had been awake for 44 hours straight.
Plus, when my second was being born my mom grabbed the camera and snapped some pictures! I love those pictures so much. Never hurts to have an extra set of hands.
Rachel asks, “Was it ever
uncomfortable having your
mom see everything?
Is your family cool with nudity??”
Haha well first off, my family is not a “naked family”. During the delivery, my husband was holding one of my legs and the nurse was holding the other. My mom was off to the side, so she really only had a view of my profile.
A good option (if you want to make sure you’re covered up) is investing in a Pretty Pushers Labor Gown.
These gowns give you more privacy than traditional hospital gowns – and look a LOT more stylish! You can expose the areas that need to be opened up, without having to pull up the entire gown.
Even after all that I’m 98% percent sure she didn’t really see “everything”, but honestly when I was pushing I doubt I would have cared if she had. And she’s never brought it up.
Ultimately, you need to remember that this is YOUR birth. If you want your mom there, awesome – if you don’t, that’s cool too.
You’re the one who’s going through freaking labor, you need to do what makes you comfortable.
Honestly, you probably know inside what you want to do, go with your gut and others will respect your decision.
Be sure to share this so other moms can make the decision for themselves!
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